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Our Freakish Ways: Fancy Hardware

Keeping alive the spirit of the recently concluded Passover holiday, the Los Angeles Times?playing the role of the curious child?singles out Manhattan's two orange hardware behemoths and asks, "What makes these Home Depots different from all other Home Depots?" Well, inquisitive young one, we'll tell you. With sincere apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, we present you with You Might Be a Manhattanite If: Hardware Edition. So without further adieu, you might be a Manhattanite if...:

1) Your local Home Depot has a concierge and a doorman, while your apartment building has an alcoholic super and a bum who lives on the stoop.
2) The only way you know how to get your hands on a Phillips head is to call your mother and have her drive it in from Long Island.
3) You see "proximity to Home Depot" as a real estate selling point, rather than an inevitable detail of American life.
4) You have the audacity to assume that asking for a hammer recommendation is not a dumb inquiry.
5) You've paid $21 to have a $30 plant delivered to your apartment.

Not included: 6) Your Home Depot employs actors to renovate a fake apartment while onlookers toss pennies and breadcrumbs at their heads. [photo of Chelsea Home Depot courtesy of WhatISee]
· Manhattan Swank Meets Do-It-Yourself [LATimes]