clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Attention LES Residents: Squirrels are Coming for Your Nuts

If recent trends continue, the animal kingdom will have descended on New York in full and enslaved the human race by the time Bloomberg throws out the first pitch at Shea II. Think about it: turkeys roaming in the wild, possums seeking out DUMBO loft conversions, super attack squirrels jumping Lower East Side residents and interrupting rabbi sermons. Wait a second?super attack squirrels? Indeed, slave. LoHo Realty's Grand Street News has a shocking, shocking! report on a new breed of LES squirrels that fear no man, woman or child. The terrifying news leads us to believe we should probably all just start murdering squirrels at will, but rushing to the nut fiends' defense is blogger Fink Tank 3000, who writes:

They are just chilling in the park, rummaging around for the nuts they buried last year. Occasionally, a squirrel might approach you for a piece of your sandwich or a potato chip but you can?t refuse, can you? Maybe it?s because of their bushy little tails. Maybe it?s because, when they stand on their high legs, you wish you could be as cute with a fluffy white little belly like that. It?s time to stop the hate.Agreed. People, stop the hate?and start obeying your new masters!
· Attack Squirrels Alarm Lower East Side Community [Grand Street News]
· IN DEFENSE OF SQUIRRELS! [Fink Tank 3000]