We're not really poking fun at this listing. We actually admire Halstead senior VP Brian Lewis' flowery prose and penchant for the written word (his portrait even looks like it belongs on a book jacket). But we can't help thinking that something about it sounds like he's selling a retirement home, not a 500sf Upper West Side one-bedroom. Have a read:
You'll no longer find yourself steeped in reverie---glazed-over eyes yearning for your piece of The Apple. You'll no longer pine away for a sun-filled home on a gorgeous, prime, Upper Westside block with a sublime view--a place teaming with tranquility & the timeless character of the Pre-War era. Your dream is here. Quiet is the theme, inspiring is the feel. Your sunken Living Room boasts soaring ceilings, exposed brick, & there is a Dining Area just off of the Kitchen. Here, your closets & bonus storage spaces give you room to breathe. Above you, you'll enjoy a roof space officially owned by the building, but never really put to use. Why not transform it with your green thumb and some imagination? Wake up--no more dreaming--your oasis is calling.It worked, though. Not only has a contract been signed, but we looked at damn near every photo.
· Listing: 334 West End Avenue [Halstead]
· Broker Babble: Getting TOO HOT in Soho [Curbed]