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Curbed Three-Pack: ~$600k in Hell's Kitchen

[A friend-of-Curbed queried us last week, "I'm thinking of buying an apartment in Hell's Kitchen for $600,000. Do you think it's a good deal?" It is, of course, the question we dread the most—what's a good deal in this market? Seeking enlightenment, we checked out some listings in "Midtown West/Clinton," as brokerages term the neighborhood. Conclusion: this area needs an emergency infusion of interior decorators, stat. Those living or looking round here, tell us more.]

What/Where: 'Jumbo Combo [Condo?] Studio,' West 50th Street
Asking: $640,000 ($983/sqft; $553/maint)
The Skinny: Lack of a floorplan for this condo listing is confounding as we can't figure out where the insanely narrow bedroom (top right) fits in to this "jumbo studio" with 2.5 rooms (?!). No matter—we do know that you'd be grabbing 651 square feet in the high-rise World Wide Plaza building. Not sold on the neighborhood? Consider this listing prose: "Enjoy the convenience of midtown Manhattan! Amidst popular restaurants, cafes and theatres, you'll find luxury and style." And the Port Authority!
· 350 West 50th Street [Halstead]

What/Where: 2BR co-op, West 45th Street
Asking: $650,000 ($1,203/maint)
The Skinny: Fly fixtures at this 2BR in Hell's Kitchen (between Eighth and Ninth Avenues), including the requisite stainless steel fridge. According to the floorplan, this is a real 2BR—not bad. Alas, no broker prose to sell you on the neighborhood, and a monthly maintenance that might bite.
· Listing: 325 West 45th Street #916 [CBHK]

What/Where: 1BR condo, West 54th Street
Asking: $599,000 ($425/maint)
The Skinny: We're solidly into Clinton now, and you can taste the joy: "Exciting, central location convenient to Midtown." Oh, baby. Continuing: "Currently, there is a wall up in the living room creating a second generously sized bedroom or office (easily converted back to a large one bedroom)." Tear down that wall! Oh, and make the seller throw in that drum.
· Listing: 414 West 54th [Prudential Douglas Elliman]