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Insane Rumor du Jour: Fairway 'Doomsday Scenario'

From the normally placid streets of the Upper West Side, special Curbed correspondent AB drops a jaw-shattering email: "I bought my apt right next door to Fairway banking on a long term relationship with NYC's premiere low-cost retailers of gastronomy. I am now having nightmares over this very hush-hush doomsday scenario.

"I found out yesterday from my friend (who is a senior manager @ Broadway & 75th) that its getting sold to an investing conglomerate within the next year. I spazzed. I was assured that the fringe cheeses & specialty goods that I love would not be immediately f'd with, but I did detect some worry from him. His uneasiness stems from the fact that this particular group of investors' goal will be to eventually expand, and sell to a large chain, 'most likely Whole Foods.' If we all shit a brick, can we build a new food co-operative?"

It's just too much for us to process, much less believe. Besides, in the case of a sale, what would become of Fairway's own blogger, Steven Jenkins, who begins his most recent blog entry thusly: "Look, if you're reading it, I'm okay with writing it, but that's not to say I don't feel like a fool with this idiot blog. No way I'm going delude myself that it’s clever or cute or a good read or whatever. Even though of course I know it is. I just like to talk about Fairway and food. I also like to act like a fool. Breaks the monotony. Nothing wrong with goosing your same-sex co-workers now and again as long as I don't get queer about it."
· Steven Jenkins' Fairway Blog [fairwaymarkets.com]