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Nutty Neighborhood Pronouncements Roundup

Following this morning's declarations about the Financial District and West Chelsea, it seems something's the air today regarding neighborhood pronouncements. In that spirit, we invite you to identify the most absurd of the following:

1) Port Authority: From the owner of a new restaurant in the building: "We're calling this neighborhood 'Theater West. It's similar to the Meatpacking District where one or two big restaurants opened first and then the others came." [Metro]

2) Williamsburg: Says HH Realty Group's Shana Altsetter, "Lately, in our experience, not many people have been interested in Williamsburg. They're more interested in areas farther out — Clinton Hill and Fort Greene." [Metro via 'Stoner]

3) Red Hook: Architecture critic Philip Nobel writes, "I wouldn't say I moved to Red Hook only to be close to the harbor, but I won't lie to you. Thread the kayak through the house from its berth in the backyard, slide it on top of the car, and drive six blocks to the gravel beach at the perfect little park at Valentino Pier—recently restored and already forgotten—I can be in the water in ten minutes." [Metropolis]

Trick question: they're all insane. Meantime, a Curbed reader sends along a new microneighborhood alert. Get in on the SoLita fun, after the jump.

A Curbed reader emails:

So, I was taking a cab back from JFK and we drove past this establishment at the corner of Grand and Lafayette Sts. Now I realize that the location is kind of in between neighborhoods, but SoLita?

Soho, maybe. But first of all, this location is not south of Little Italy, it's directly west (WeLita?). Second, there is already a neighborhood south of Little Italy-- it's called Chinatown. And based on the nearby Cathay Bank and the fact that every business in the area has signs in both English and Mandarin, I would say that the SoLita hotel could best be characterized as a part of northern extension of Chinatown. Have any other real estate people identified/invented the SoLita neighborhood?