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The Onion Discovers Brooklyn

"The problem is that the property owners here are clueless. They fill their yards with pavement and statues of the Virgin Mary, when all they have to do is clear that brush and we'd have a great beer garden or bocce court. They're spending all this money to renovate the old church, when it'd be put to better use split it up into condos."
· Sometimes I Feel Like I'm The Only One Trying To Gentrify This Neighborhood [The Onion]