The plague of human defecation spreading across Boerum Hill as of late has the neighborhood awash in crap and up in arms. Comes this morning to the Curbed inbox the first bona fide break in the case—a genuine crapper sighting!
Emails our tipster, "I just spent my morning cleaning poop off of my stoop. For the second time in two weeks I got pooped on. This time I saw her. I live on Dean St between Hoyt and Bond. 6:00am this morning my wife heard..... well peeing.... she woke me up and I went to the door. I live in the garden apartment so I looked up and saw butt—thus I yelled 'HEY MOVE YOUR ASS!!!!' This was the first time in my life that I literally meant it."
After the pooping I threw on some clothes and set out to find the poopertrator. I did not find her. But my wife did hear the woman outside while I scrambled for my clothes, she did not run, just kept talking to herself. It turns out that the infamous stoop pooper is a mentally disabled black women with very short hair (I think maybe short dreds)... unfortunately by the time I made it outside she was gone. I went on a quest to find her, and in my early morning jog around the block I did run into two NYC police cars and informed them of the incident. They were helpful and understanding and told me to file a report, thus I tried. I called 311 (again very helpful and transferred me to the correct police station.) That is when my morning got annoying!! I spoke to the station police and they told me that "sure we can make a report—please come down to the station and file a report." This pissed me off. They kept asking if other people have reported this—(I don't know, has anyone?)—I am assuming that if you need to go to the station in person and file a report probably not. Now what??? That is why I am writing to you, maybe you can help get this person help? Obviously the police don't listen or care.
· Mad Crapper(s?) on the Loose in Boerum Hill [Curbed]