Friends, if you're anything like us, the news that broker/legend Michael Shvo had sicced his summer interns on a project to conceptualize the first residential property for the moon brought this response: jeez, what took him so long?
Late yesterday afternoon, six college students presented the fruit of six weeks' worth of rigorous coursework at the foot of their beloved dean of Shvo Academy, Michael Shvo. The outcome of their endeavors: Lorelei Moon Colony and Resort. Our special Curbed correspondent braved the blistering chill of a Shvo conference room to bring us this very special report. But before you hit the jump, we must urge you: do not click on the above photogallery if you value your sanity.
The Setup: Representatives and role models from the marketing firm G2 Branding and Design (who donated two interns of their own for the marketing leg of the project), plus Dr. Lepine, a lunar research fellow from the Museum of Natural History, along with other luxury and architecture professionals were all present to take in the slideshow. From the hopeful gleam in their eyes to the thoughtful nods of their proud papa, we give it 6 months to a year before the moonboot-imprint guerrilla marketing campaign takes to the golden shores of Park Avenue (or, as is more likely in economic times such as these, Russia).
In an axillary conference room at Shvo's midtown headquarters, these Shvos-in-training covered it all: how far away the moon is (a 3 day space journey); how much it costs to get there ($20-$35 mil round trip); what the moon is made of (moon...rock); and moon colony amenities, which, considering the plan is to convince 28 "entrepreneurial frontiersman" billionaires to spend their lives in isolation in outer space, are pretty extensive:
Lodging: 28 permanent "lunar dens" situated on the South Pole of the moon (beautiful Earth views), including 4 trophy properties with six bedrooms for the entrepreneurial frontiersfamilymen. Plus a resort hotel, to be managed by Jumeirah. Architect? Santiago Calatrava, natch.
Sustenance: As importing Earth-food to the moon could be considered by some to be costly, Lorelei will create their own food in-house, using hydroponic gardens and solar panels. Restaurants include trendy hotspot "Restaurant Gold" by Dolce & Gabbana, and "Lunareal", a moon-restaurant by Ferran Adria, who considering the 2028 occupancy date, will be 66 years old and at that age possibly not keen on running a kitchen. Or the moon. Or re-entry. Also on the way: Absolut Ice Bar.
Leisure: Everything you could possibly dream of: Gold dust facials at the in-house spa. "Object climbing" at the Illoiha gym. Moon-golf on the moon-golf course. Gazing mournfully at the Earth, your former home, from the Hubble Space Telescope and Learning Center. Bouncing around by yourself in your Dolce and Gabbana harsh element suit, all alone, because you are in space. Also, maybe you could help out with the hydroponic garden.
Beyond the cost prohibitive nature of moon-habitation, the kids point out the difficulty of attracting appropriate candidates for their moon colony: not only do they need to have the cash and the adventurous nature, they also need to be "space ready" (read: physically fit). Their definition of space-ready? Michael Phelps. Their definition of billionaire-ready? Richard Branson. Their estimation of the number of
Phelps-Branson hybrids comprising this unholy super race in the year 2028? 120 or so. Start your bidding now.
Sales offices: Antarctica Selling date: 2023 Occupancy: 2028 Cost: $100-$200 mil, excluding transportation and gold dust moon massages.
· Maser of the Fucking Universe [Curbed]