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Curbed Awards '09 Real Estate: The Remains

As is our yearly tradition, it's time to make up a bunch of awards and hand them out to the most deserving and important people, places and things in the real estate, architecture and neighborhood universes of New York City! Yep, it's time for the Sixth Annual Curbed Awards!

PriceChopper Axe of Declining Rewards
3) Palazzo Chupi. Our fondest, longest, pinkest West Village creation fell soundly to earth, and perhaps deeper, when a banker dropped $10.5 million for a penthouse initially priced at $32m. For those scoring at home, that's a 67% PriceChop, and a sadface on the visage of creator Julian Schnabel. "Gesamtkunstwerk," he whispers to no one in particular. "Gesamtkunstwerk."
2) 11 Spring Street. Another Curbed favorite from Back in the Day, Nolita's Ice House-cum-Candle Building was chopped up into three units for boomtime selling convenience, then put all back together so a buyer could spend $19.5m for the whole package rather than the original asking price of $39.8m. Garcon, band-aid please?
1) Apthorp. This Upper West Side journalist's dream earns the top spot because the bottom is not necessarily yet in sight. When last we looked, the place had sold a clutch of units, for a rumored less-than-half-of-asking price. Do stay tuned for more in this saga, won't you please?

Shitshows of the Year
4) The Rushmore. Bought at a new development on the Upper West Side? Then hey, maybe your developer will actually accede to some of your demands. Act grateful, k?
3) The 505. Bought at a new development in Hell's Kitchen? Then please don't act surprised that your developer felt no regret about bitchslapping you with the promise that if you sue, you lose. And please go ahead and sue them right back.
2) One Madison Park If what we're hearing about impending lawsuits and such at this slivery tower stationed strategically close to Shake Shack is true, look for OMP to top this list in 2010.
1) The Apthorp. Rather than rehash this one further, here's an illuminating quote from (former) Apthorp resident Nora Ephron: "Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own."

Special Arrested Development Lifetime Achievement Award
In a year of stalled projects replete with rebar reaching for the heavens, there's a special place in the hearts of all sentient New Yorkers for a little place we like to call The Orchard Street Hell Building. Since we updated its epic timeline back in the spring, the following has happened at the site: they, uh, painted the plywood at street-level to make it look more appealing. Up next: more hell!
Runners-up: Turtle Bay's crane collapse building; Related's Hell's Kitchen Swimming Hole; Hotel Ludlow-cum-Condos.

Most Arrested Development Honor Roll, Downtown Edition
To buildings that are as frozen as the wind off the Hudson River in February.
3) 99 Church. Odds of Unfreezing: 3:2. Silverstein, baby.
2) 56 Leonard. Odds of Unfreezing: 10:1. Cuz we want to believe!
1) 5 Franklin Place. Odds of Unfreezing: 500:1. Unless that Mega-Millions ticket hits!

Door Prizes of the Year
3) Beacon Towers: Forgoing the typical free Vespa or offer to pay closing costs, the developers of this Harlem building figured out that cash is king. The result: $300 paid to buyers every month during the first year of residency. Ch-ching!
2) The Rialto: Buy at Williamsburg's Gene Kaufman-designed hot mess The Rialto and get a free Venice! Reminder: This is not an April Fool's joke!
1) One Brooklyn Bridge Park: We saw all sorts of car giveaways this year, but nothing quite as fancy as 1BBP's free Audi A4 (and parking space!) to anyone shelling out over $2 million, an amount that could buy over 50 Audi A4s, by the way.

The Adventures in Marketing Award

Deep in the South Slope, Robert Scarano reclamation project 211 23rd Street looked to create a bit of brand buzz with a guerrilla "What's 21123?" sticker/poster/chalk campaign throughout Park Slope. But the whole thing created one huge mess, leading to the developer and ad firm promising a full cleanup, which they claimed was the plan all along. Did we mention there was a rollerblading street team involved?

Nondos/Plan B Award
3) Warehouse 11. Maybe naming new developments after warehouses wasn't the best idea?
2) 119th and Third. Thanks for really putting a damper on that whole East Harlem thing, eh?
1) The Viridian. Magic, it wasn't.

Anticipated Building Openings of 2010
3) Aloft Harlem. It's Harlem! It's a snazzy boutique hotel!
2) 184 Kent. It's Williamsburg! It's... rental and rager ready!
1) Trump Soho. It's... Hudson Square! It's Trump! My God, we cannot wait for this.