Where Should Charlie Sheen Rest His Violent Torpedo of Truth?

The last time Charlie Sheen had a high-profile stay in Manhattan he trashed a room in the Plaza Hotel, which led him down the rabbit hole that ended with zany rants, surreal television interviews, the end of his CBS sitcom and, of course, so. much. #winning. Now he's coming back, to perform his My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option Show at Radio City Music Hall on April 8th and 10th. The most important question of all time is, of course, where Sheen and his coterie of consorts, which he calls the "goddesses," will rest their weary heads. The Plaza, Waldorf-Astoria and Trump Soho are all out, Page Six writes. In fact, it seems like no hotel wants to deal with Team Sheen, and a source tells the gossip page that Chuck is "now looking at renting a private residence." Oh dear.

But here's the thing: Can any private residence in New York handle Charlie Sheen? He has said that his partying ways make "Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like
droopy-eyed, armless children," and sadly, it seems like Manhattan's best party pads are already taken or otherwise unqualified. For example:

1) The Bacchus House: Recently bought by Napster and Facebook co-founder Sean Parker.
2) 99 Jane Street penthouse: Rented by Amar'e Stoudemire after hard-partying Goldman Sachs exec Richard Kimball Jr. was kindly shown the door.
3) 66 Leonard Street #2B/3B: Famed economist/party animal Nouriel "Dr. Doom" Roubini's old apartment lost its carefree attitude when ScarJo moved upstairs and the plaster vaginas were removed from the walls.
4) 6 East 1st Street penthouse: The East Village's most partyfied pad was just bought...by Nouriel Roubini!
5) Tribeca sex dungeon: The basement condo at 109 Reade Street is probably the most Sheen-ready of all Manhattan pads, but it's currently caught up in messy litigation, and Charlie doesn't need any more of that.

So where can the Violent Torpedo of Truth touch down? Our two suggestions: One Madison Park, a building so caught up in controversy that no one will even notice Sheen's comings and goings, and where there are no neighbors to complain about the chain smoking and giggling goddesses. And the mansion at 4 East 80th Street (seen above), New York's most expensive home at $210,000/month or $90 million to buy, and a property that looks almost as crazy as Charlie Sheen. Anyone know how to get tiger blood stains out?
· Hotels cold-shoulder Charlie [Page Six]
· Charlie Sheen coverage [Curbed]