There's a reason why SoMa, ProCro, Hell's Foyer, Hell's Roofdeck, The Higher Line, Flushingstone, Superfund North, Superfund South, South Astoria, Fort Fulton, Robertasville, Garment West and Lower East FiDi came out to play last week. Soon they might all be illegal! Assemblyman Hakeem Jeffries, a Brooklyn Democrat and stalled sites aficionado, plans to introduce a bill requiring community board, City Council and mayoral approval for all new neighborhood nicknames, City Room reports. This very very important and easily enforceable legislation seeks to punish brokers who promote listings with unofficial names through fines, suspensions or revoked licenses. Holy SHITBALLS! (Surrounding the Highline Including Tenth But Also Looping to Lower Soho). What does this mean for the participants of future 'Hoodwinked contests? Prison time?
We know what you're thinking: Is Hakeem Jeffries crazy? That, for now, is unclear. But here's what has driven him to the brink of insanity:
"It’s the Wild West in New York City right now,” he said. “Brokers are allowed to essentially pull names out of thin air in order to rebrand a neighborhood and have the effect of raising rents or home prices.” Mr. Jeffries said that the problem started when neighborhoods like NoLita were carved out of Little Italy. He says he was no happier when brokers started calling southern Harlem “SoHa,” the South Bronx “SoBro,” and parts of Sunset Park “Greenwood Heights” because of its proximity to Greenwood Cemetery.
“Some real estate brokers have found it’s more desirable to rename a neighborhood after the dead than those who are living,” he said.
Would accepted portmanteaus like SoHo and TriBeCa have made the community board cut way back when? Given what we know about our local leaders and their eternal grumpiness about everything, probably not. Can we imagine a world where this actually becomes law? We cannot. Can we imagine a world where valuable time is wasted debating this issue by an inept state government? Can do! Uh oh, will we get fined for that?
· ‘SoBro’ and ‘ProCro’ NoJoke to Assemblyman [City Room]
· Neighborhood Names coverage [Curbed]