HGTV's Selling New York rides along with brokerages CORE, Gumley Haft Kleier and Warburg as they try to sell fabulous properties fabulously. Here's our recap of how the NYC real estate industry is portrayed to the world, penned by Molly Reisner. Episode air date: 4/21/2011.
Everyone says keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Now replace "enemies" with "broker colleagues with whom you are vying for your livelihood, but everyone really likes each other so s'all good, and maybe if you do each other favors now and then you will be repaid in large gold hoop earrings and/or a fancy dinners" and you get a taste of what went down last night.
In the first tale o' trust, a downtown broker helps her uptown-based colleague learn the ins and outs of Tribeca's chic, cobblestoned streets so she can impress her nabe-hopping Upper East side buyers. Then, the deep, dark world of broker vs. broker (friendly) competition gets exposed when the boss pits them against one another in a race to see Who Can Sell An Overpriced Apartment The Quickest!. Now plunge backwards into this recap trust-fall style, and don't worry...I'll try to catch you. No promises.
CRISIS #1: BROKER NEEDS CRASH COURSE IN TRIBECA, STAT!
Warburg broker Leslie Modell Rosenthal is in a pickle! She's got Upper East Side-based clients looking to apartment shop in the foreign land of Tribeca. Good thing she's got fellow Warburg broker and Tribeca troubleshooter/resident Deb Lupard on the case. Leslie fills Deb in on her Tribeca tribulations at a jewelry store, asking if she can help her find an Upper East Sider-y apartment aesthetic, but way the eff downtown. Deb's cool with the sitch, cuz she thinks "brokers who share information are much more successful." In exchange for her neighborhood know-how, Leslie promises Deb some glittering gold hoops should she snap up a sale. They seal the deal the official Warburg way: high five!
Next, Les takes Deb to an UES Warburg listing at 60 East End Avenue, a classic six, to show her what her clients like. For $2.8 million, all 2,300 square feet of this 3 bed/3.5 bath abode can be yours!
With Les's buyers (and those dope hoops) in mind, Deb brings Les to The Fairchild at 55 Vestry Street in "North Tribeca." Wait, Tribeca has a North? Glad to see she's sticking with the talking points! The Wargals check out a $3.6 million lofty lair in the Karl Fischered building, 3 bed/3 bath unit that sports 2,008 sq. ft. of modern luxury.
Deb then leads Les all over Tribeca, giving her Lupardian assessment of the best places to buy cheese, books, and these amazing specimens. Duane Park Patisserie field trip after this recap, anyone?
After enjoying Magic Cupcakes, the ladies get the munchies and beeline for lunchies at the Tribeca Grill. Owner and restaurant mogul Drew Nieporent pays Les and Deb a visit at their table, expounding on the relaxing and liveable qualities of Tribeca. Perhaps it's so peaceful because only seventeen people can afford to live there? Just surmisin'!
Armed with the Tribeca tutorial, Les brings buyers Susan and Mike Weil to The Fairchild...where they love the views! I call this gritty pretty:
Did Tribeca beckon Sue and Mike? Not yet! Because as the update shares, they've seen a dozen Tribeca properties but no offers are in the air. And Deb's lobes remain eternally hoopless.
CRISIS #2: DEVELOPER TESTS TEAM WITH TWO LISTINGS AT ONCE!
CORE boss Shaun Osher and ace broker Kirk Rundhaug (currently listing Mets slugger David Wright's place) are in a meeting with Mitch Gurevich at the condo building his company developed: The Alexander at 250 East 49th Street. Mitch is giving CORE the exclusive to sell two units in the formerly troubled tower, and if they do, they'll get to sell...the penthouse! And others! Because there's a lot of inventory.
Side note: Mitch is like the Doogie Howser of real estate development.
Such a youngster! Kirk explains if they can't sell the initial two units, there are "hundreds of thousands of dollars lost!" in missed opportunity. Shaun feels confident about the challenge, explaining "what we do as a company is sell real estate." Thanks for the reminder. On this show, we need it.
Next, Shaun and Kirk head to both apartments and first tour this 2 bed/2 bath unit clocking in at 1,091 sq. ft. A price of $1.6 million gets you all this, and a lil' trek to a subway!
Then, they check out a smaller 647 sq. ft. version that's a 1 bed/1 bath for $1.1 overpricedmillion. Kirk keeps his eyes on claiming The Alexander for CORE, feeling solid about his tight-knit, trusted team rising to the task. "It's really hard to trust everybody in real estate," he says.
Back at the office, Kirk proposes a sales showdown amongst his team, dubbed Team Enterprise...and yes, they call him Captain Kirk. It's tres cute. Whoever sells the first unit will receive a much larger piece of the commission. The Knights of the Round Table worked the same way, right?
Team Enterprise, comprised of brokers Ryan Fitzpatrick, Mark Lynch and Paige Neuhauser, brainstorm and talk light-hearted trash about each other. They even call themselves a family! I can see why they like working for Kirk.
Here's the crew putting their sales angles into action. Watch out, world! Literally:
Mark's got the U.N. crowd covered, Paige plans an open house cocktail party, and Ryan targets the financial business demographic who require corporate apartments with eyebrow windows. For when you want that "prison sliver" view:
Paige, an artist herself, curates an artful open house with pretty flowers, champagne a plenty, and Magic Cupcakes:
During the shindig, she tells Kirk there's interest in the unit! It was tooootally the cupcakes. Later on, Kirk and Shaun round up Team Enterprise in The Alexander penthouse to reveal who brought their A-est game. Drumroll...and the winner is...CUPCAKE LADY! AKA Paige! Happy with the sales progress, Mitch has bestowed the $18 (gulp!) million penthouse listing to CORE. Shaun is glowing about the positive energy of Kirk's team, especially since real estate is fraught with "stabbing each other in the back." Wow, not the most sunshine-filled segment. The update informs that Team Enterprise has conquered two contracts at The Alexander and are negotiating seven others. Cupcakes for all!
Episode grade: No triumph in Tribeca but Team Enterprise's spunky attitude (and deals) makes this episode worth 4 out of 5 cackling Kleiers!