HGTV's Selling New York rides along with brokerages CORE, Gumley Haft Kleier and Warburg as they try to sell fabulous properties fabulously. Here's our recap of how the NYC real estate industry is portrayed to the world, penned by Molly Reisner. Episode air date: 9/1/2011.
Deadline (noun): An artificial construct used by humans to get crap done within an agreed upon span of time. Often responsible for panic attacks, cold sweats and the increased consumption of unprescribed Ritalin.
Last night's Selling New York headlined the rat-bastard dastardly deadline! First, an agency is tasked by a developer to whip his new Chelsea building (giant daisy alert!) into market-ready shape in only forty-five deadline-y days. Then, a broker (I spy a Kleier!) tries to help her old college co-ed bud find a family friendly second home in downtown Manhattan. Yeah, there's really no deadline with that one. Extra, extra, recap all about it ASAP! And p.s.? The show's headed into reruns for the next little while, so toodles until fall!
CRISIS #1: CORE HAS 45 DAYS TO READY CHELSEA BUILDING FOR COMING OUT PARTY
CORE CEO Shaun Osher is meeting with Centaur Properties developer Harlan Berger outside his latest project at 305 W.16th Street. CORE has the exclusive on selling all 53 units, but first the building needs some identity (y'know, like a giant 40 foot daisy to sit on top of the roof and freak out the nabe when a hurricane comes!) and supermodel apartments.
Har tells Shaun about his flower fantasy and how he hopes his daisy will be iconic enough so people call the place "The Daisy Building." We prefer our nickname: Dark Lord Chelsea.
Shaun looks Har's deadline in the eye, saying "I love to take challenges, and I love to take risk." 'Course he does, he's Shaun Bond! Next, Shaun presents his "A-team" of creative partners, marketing strategists and Mr. T to Har for a launch meeting. They decide on a 16th Street instead of 8th Avenue address, and then they move on to other hot branding topics :
Har wants to make sure they come up with a "distinct brand idea" and not some schlocky gimmick. Also, each of the three staged apartments will be done in different styles. Fast-forward to a few days later and Har meets up with Shaun to review colors, logos and his confidence in CORE (status: shaky).
Then, CORE broker Maggie Kent visits one of the apartments to meet up with designer Shawn Graves. He shows her some interior decoration sketches (boring), but! They remind me of the drawings from the Take On Me video from A-HA (exciting!!!):
Meanwhile, the Robot Daisy travels under the cover of night to its destination...
...and gets installed on the roof. Shaun thinks "people are gonna love it, or hate it."
Yikesy-daisy! Later, Shaun checks out the apartment progress and is worried they are "cutting it down to to the wire." Mags nervous giggles a bunch, telling him everything will be perfect in the end.
Unsurprise, they get done. I'll let you see for yourself...you are hereby invited to the launch party recap. Model 1BR, 2BR and studio apartment tour included:
This is one of the few real estate parties that actually looks kinda fun.
Village People DJ:
The party rocked so hard, six weeks later CORE signed 17 deals and are negotiating 3 more. (Now it's even raising prices!) Easy-daisy-does-it!
CRISIS #2: BROKER PALS AROUND TOWN WITH L.A. COLLEGE FRIEND TO FIND SECOND HOME AND REMINISCE
Kleier broker Samantha Kleier is hittin' the Andrew Norwood House club with her college bud, and buyer, Adam Kamenstein. He's launching a vodka company, voli, and is spending lots of time in NYC for promotions AKA drinking. Adam is clearly winning at life. His wife and kids live in L.A. and he wants an apartment that works for the fam.
Adam and Sam talking about real estate and not talking about that weird time they probs hooked up at the frat kegger:
First they head to 53 North Moore in Tribeca to see this $2.45 million 2BR/2BA:
Adam is so unimpressed with the kitchen, he takes a picture of it for his wife, a designer,to see how much remodeling it will need:
He finds the place boring and without "architectural detailing." Wife Kristina jets in from L.A. to join the search and off they go to 28 Laight Street to tour a $3 million lofty lair. Remind me to start a vodka business:
While they both like the concept, Kris finds the quality of the interior design to be far too poor for the asking price. Plus, there will always be this man doing tai-chi out their window:
Kris has to go back to L.A. that night, leaving Sam not optimistic that Adam will buy anything without her seeing it. "Unless they want to get a divorce," she surmises. Sam and Adam (yay, the wife is gone and now they can continue to giggle flirt!) head up to Soho to see this late 1800's number at 426 W. Broadway. For $2.45 million, you can break your neck on the original spiral staircase:
Adam thinks it has "a great feel to it" and Sam loves it too. He speakerphones Kris, who WHY ISN'T SHE THERE says she needs to see it since it's a huge investment. Some time later, Adam and Sam meet up in NYC after she's apparently shown him some more places. She gleefully tells him the Soho property is gone, baby, gone.
Finally, they resolve to put the search on hold until Adam can come with his baby momma. The update is there is no update?Sam's still waiting for them to visit together. Undeadliniest. Story. Ever!
Episode grade: A branding that fit the bill and a memory lane that led to nowheresville deserves 3.0 out of 5 cackling Kleiers!