Welcome back to The Brokerbabble Glossary, where we take a word or a turn of phrase that seems to show up in an unreasonable number of listings and decipher its true meaning. If you have any ideas for us, send them to the tipline. Today's word: Majestic.
The king of all newel posts stands before his subjects. He is not a newel post, not truly, but rather a God in newel post form. Majesty radiates from his very being. Other newel posts, strong newel posts, weep when they gaze upon him, from fear or from joy they cannot tell. "King Newel," a peasant calls out. "Why are you, like, kind of crooked? If you're supposedly so majestic and everything?" A hush falls over the crowd. "Yeah!" cries another peasant. "Plus, you're not even really that ornamental! And what kind of wood are you? Poplar? Wait—are you painted?" Suddenly the mob is upon him, tearing him asunder. The Newel King is no more. [This has been an excerpt from our forthcoming novel, The Newel Post Wears No Clothes.]
Sometimes brokers can't figure out what word to use and they ending up picking the wrong one. In this case, though, this is exactly the word that was intended. This place thinks it's soooo majestic, with its weird purple furniture and randomly marble walls.
At least one of these words is probably correct.