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Decoded: The 'Homiest' of Apartment Listings

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Welcome back to The Brokerbabble Glossary, where we take a word or a turn of phrase that seems to show up in an unreasonable number of listings and decipher its true meaning. If you have any ideas for us, send them to the tipline. Today's word: Homey.

In the context of apartment listings, the word 'homey' is almost completely meaningless. Case in point:

Something that is a 'homey,' according to the definition of the word, is like a home. Well, right. That clears that up. Definitely a good thing we have a word for that. If there's one thing we've learned from The Brokerbabble Glossary, however, it is that any word lacking in meaning is just waiting to have various meanings assigned to it, randomly and indiscriminately, by professional describers-of-real estate.

Tiny:
This is a simple case of mathematics. Homey = comfortable. Comfortable = cozy. Cozy = tiny. It's called the transitive property—look it up. This particular apartment is 400 square feet, making it one of the homiest apartments you can find (although it's still not as homey as a storage unit or a taped-shut cardboard box.)

Old:
This is not the only apartment that seems to believe that 'homey' and 'modern' are somehow mutually exclusive, as if to say that if the place was really homey you would be boiling your own water for baths and cooling your perishables in an icebox.

Not Metal:
It makes a certain amount of sense that wood would be considered more homey than, say, steel. Houses are traditionally made out of wood and factories are traditionally made out of steel. The hard, cold industrial-ness of metal accentuates the homeyness of wood. We get that. We're also very confused about why so many listings with exposed brick are described as 'homey.'
?Jeremiah Budin
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16 Hunts Lane

16 Hunts Lane, Brooklyn, NY