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Selling New York S5E10: Back With A BAM!

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HGTV's Selling New York rides along with brokerages CORE, Gumley Haft Kleier and Warburg as they try to sell fabulous properties fabulously. Here's our recap of how the NYC real estate industry is portrayed to the world, penned by Molly Reisner. Episode air date: 6/14/2012.

Welcome back to summer recaps of your favorite show that was in repeats for endless fortnights, y'all! Selling New York's hiatus-breaking episode last night was extra spesh as it featured Curbed's marvelous editor, Sara Polsky, and this gal (points finger at self)!

Oh, and also this up and coming chef who is really starting to make a name for himself, Emeril Lagasse. I think he's gonna be super rich someday.

And that day has come! Who better to broker Emeril's double digit Upper East Side townhouse than Papa Ian's Color-Coordinated Angels (see above pic)? Will the ladies be able to simmer up a sale? Or will the listing go stale? More importantly, how many cooking related puns can I come up with? ANSWER: A baker's dozen plus infinity.

Then, a broker tries to do damage control when her Hong Kong based client jets into town to snap up a Chelsea pad with?UH OH ALERT!—taxing tax issues. Will her trip around the world end with a contract or will her broker get sacked? Dig into drama with this kicked-up-a-notch recap!

CRISIS #1: BROKERS TASKED WITH TEMPTING BUYER'S TASTEBUDS WITH A CELEB CHEF'S UPPER EAST SIDE TOWNHOUSE

It's a bamtastic day for Mama Bear and her cubs, Sabrina and Samantha! They're about to go on a tour of mega-chef Emeril Lagasse's 6,900-square-foot Lenox Hill townhouse at 158 East 61st Street Also on the menu? A possible exclusive listing for the $15 million manse.

Why the move? Em and his wife Alden are wanting to unload the townhouse since they're hanging more down south (I assume New Orleans and not, like, Sunset Park).

Get your fill of Emeril and his haute kitchen :

Custom water filtration system, what what! "We were just fainting," Sabrina says re: gorge level of decor. Revive, girl! You've only seen three of the 4,000 kitchens in the house!

The tour isn't complete until everyone gets lightly buzzed in the wine cellar:

For dessert, Em gives the Kleiers...THE EXCLUSIVE! Alden appreciates that "there are three ladies, so one will always be available to you." Yes, when you stand to make a gravy yacht (boat is too small) load of commission, somehow you get tons of attention.

Next, Papa Ian orders an emergency meeting to kibbitz about today's lunch options (and strategize marketing for their new exclusive). The group decides on doing a wine tasting open house and Papa delegates the task of "twixting and tweeting" about the property to his youngest brokers, JoBel. The goal AS ALWAYS is to get the right brokers drunk (I mean, to show up) at the party.

At the invite only open house, wine guru Jonathan Cristaldi pairs red and whites with delectable meats and cheeses. VIP SCOOP: I ate too much cheese.

Now here's Em's pad with more people in it!

Highlight #1: I meet Mama, Papa and Sabrina for the first time!

VIP SCOOP: Mama rocks a high heel while going up and down narrow spiral stairs with no fear.

Highlight #2: Em's bamcave includes this amazing Elvis pinball machine:

Highlight #3: Curbed editor Sara Polsky took a picture of a bedpost. Racy!

To see more of Sara's pics, like what's inside Em's pantry (ANSWER: Jif) and his extensive salt collection, check 'em out here.

With peeps in attendance from the NY Times, UsWeekly and *cough cough* Curbed, Mama pronounces the open house "wildly successful." The next day at lunch, the gals peruse the event's media coverage:

Sabrina gives Sara's photos a shout out while also revealing that Curbed "can be snarky." Whaaaaaat. Snarky? Malarkey!

With all buzz and no bite, the ladies are starting to feel pressure cooked for a buyer. Mama meets up at the townhouse with her broker buddy, Cathy Franklin. Cath tours the place for a client and finds it up to snuff to recommend a showing. Mama hopes she can whip up a deal because Em has promised to cook dinner for the broker and the buyer! Yummeril!

Did Cath come through? Nope. The update reveals that her clients are considering an offer (code for not making an offer) while another buyer put in a low bid which Mama is negotiating. Meanwhile, the listing has been kicked down a notch to $13.5 million. I wonder if that makes Emeril say "bammit!"
CRISIS #2: BROKER MUST FIND CLIENT HASSLE FREE CHELSEA HOME IN A HURRY TO MAKE UP FOR PRIOR PITFALL

Citi Habitats broker Lucie Holt is on the hunt again for the perfect investment/future home property for her China-based clients, The Kottermans. A little while back, Lucie had already found their dream Chelsea home and an offer was made until DOT DOT DOT

The real estate taxes were misrepresented as being lower than they actually were! So now, the wife, Jasja, has returned to NYC to work with Lucie on finding another place. But will her trip just be another walk down Deja Vu Lane? (P.S. If I ever get to sponsor a street, this is what I would call it. That, or Nacho Deluxe Way).

First, the ladies head over to this lofty Chelsea spot to check out a $1.95 million 2BR/2.5BA abode:

Jasja digs the digs but wants to see other possibilities. So demanding! Meanwhile, Lucie keeps working the "so much pressure to make my client's experience perfect" angle.

With no time to waste, they hit up a Chelsea $1.999 million charmer at 112 West 18th Street:

Jasja hearts the light, the view and the vibe!

But what really sold her was this outdoor light fixture that Lucie points out:

Jasja tells Lucie she wants to make an offer at asking price. What could go wrong? EXCEPT A TRIP DOWN DEJA VU LANE.

Back in Hong Kong already, Lucie gives Jasja a call to tell her that her offer has been accepted...but there's a hitch. The real estate taxes turn out to be $600 higher than the seller initially revealed. Not agaaaaaain! Annoyed, Jasja is ready to walk away from the deal, but Lucie assures her she will get the price down.

Next, Lucie meets with seller Jim Simon at a coffee shop to set things straight. He apologizes for the tax mix-up but scoffs at Lucie's request for a $75k deduction.

The two have a jolly good bicker chock o' block full of blame and bartering:

In a daring move, Jim sends over his star offense player, Hockey Zilla, to score one for the team:

It worked! Kinda?Lucie lowers her deduction request to $50k. Jim says he'll consider it, but if he accepts than the deal has to close in two weeks.

Well heyyyy, it's closing day! The deal did not die in a deja vu vapor. Jasja is back in NYC to sign contracts, take over keys, and give Lucie a big hug:

According to the update, Jasja spruced up her new apartment and rented it out in a jiff. And, she's referred a few clients to Lucie. Hooray for everything working out just like we thought it would!

Epidode Review: A personal tour of Emeril's townhouse by Mama is all it takes for me to give this episode 5.0 out of 5.0 OOOOH I'M ON TV! cackling Kleiers. Although to be fair, I should detract .5 for the less than spicy second story and another .5 for OD'ing on soft cheeses.

· Selling New York [HGTV]
· Selling New York coverage [Curbed]

158 East 61st Street

158 East 61st Street, New York, NY