A tipster spotted this seething note in 312 Bowery yesterday. It's actually sort of surprising that it even exists, considering that the author seems furious enough to light pieces of paper on fire just by looking at them. Full text:
To the owners of the roof deck:
You are among the most disrespectful neighbors we have encountered, self-centered and without a sense of community or moral judgment.
You cannot and should not throw a loud party in a private outdoor space. There are reasons such activities are illegal in the city. Special isolated or insulated club rooms are designed for such purposes. The apartment and the deck within a city—residential spaces—are not legally or ethically appropriate.
No one surrounding your deck was able to sleep.
It takes a special type of person to make the night miserable for hundreds because of your narcissism.
Knowing we likely could not appeal to a sense of community—after all, you already made the selfish decision to employ large, powerful speakers—many of us resorted to calling law enforcement. The police reports indicated that they were unable to access the building. They nevertheless keep the location on file.
In a strange way, we almost hope that you were ignorant of the consequences of your decisions—a sleepless night for all your neighbors—rather than simply apathetic.
Regardless of the causes of last night, we all hope that a glimmer of civility remains, and that you will reconsider such rude behavior.
Please be a good neighbor. Without beating around the bush, yes, this is the angriest note ever. At the very least, it's tied. There are a few things to take away from the whole incident, though, both for the letter-writer and the letter-writee.
For the letter-writer:
· Listen, General (we decided to name you The General—hope you don't mind), we know you're upset. We've all been there with the neighbors and the party and the noise and the pillow over the head and the Tylenol PMs and the teeth-gnashing. Nobody doesn't get where you're coming from. That said, take some deep breaths. You are really, really, really, really angry. That's not healthy, for you or for anyone around you, by which we mean that you are definitely going to have a disproportionate reaction to next slightly upsetting thing you encounter. "I said no pickles! NO PICKLES!! NO PIC—gah—ack—" and then you have a heart attack. Don't have a heart attack. If you have a heart attack, the partiers win.
For the letter-writee:
· Happy birthday!
· Apparently, even when the police receive multiple calls about your really loud parties, there's nothing they can do. So that should definitely discourage you from having parties in the future.
· Don't get into any elevators with The General.
· Congratulations on your awesome speakers.
· Invite your neighbors to your parties. That way, when the noise starts bothering them, they feel like it's somehow their fault for not going.
· Stop being a dick.
· Neighborhood Beefs [Curbed]