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Bike Stolen, Appropriately Angry Flyers Made

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The rage that one experiences after finding that one's bike has been stolen is no small thing. It is a blistering, debilitating rage, usually accompanied by at least four of the seven stages of grief—denial (maybe I just left it further down the street), guilt (I knew I should have gotten one of those expensive locks), anger, depression, etc. That's why we have to hand it to the author of this note, who took all those emotions and turned them into something funny. This guy has worked through his issues and moved on to the seventh stage—acceptance and hope. He knows he's not getting his bike back and he accepts it. He just hopes it takes the bike thief STRAIGHT TO HELL. Okay, maybe he hasn't quite worked through all of them.

My bike was stolen from my front lawn last week. It is a one-speed bike with a skull flag and a lightning bolt on it. The lightning bolt and flag may have been removed. This bike was brand new from the store.

I don't even want this bike back. I just made these flyers to tell you that I hate you, bike thief. I hope you ride my bike without a helmet and get hit by a monster truck. I hope my bike takes you straight to hell. Actually, it sort of seems like the first half was written in hopes of really getting the bike back, but then once he got to the part about how it was brand new, he just snapped. SCREW IT. NO REWARD.
· Perhaps the greatest missing bike flyer ever [EVG]
· More angry notes [Curbed]