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The Top Five Residential Listings That You Can't Live In

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When you spend a lot of time perusing real estate listings, there are few things more depressing than coming across one that loudly boasts, "INVESTORS ONLY" or "VERY LOW PRICE, RENT CONTROLLED TENANT IN PLACE" (it is a well-established scientific fact that, in these cases, brokers almost always revert to all-caps, although the reason for this is unclear.) What these listings are telling you, in so many words, is: "Great apartment! Very cheap! One catch, though. Once you buy it, you have to wait for a human being to die before seeing a return on your investment." Somewhat hearteningly, these listings never seem to sell. The apartment pictured above (which we've featured before, because it's great), for example, has been on the market for 1,137 days and the brokerbabble just reads "rent controlled tenant not moving." Keep on keepin' on, theatre shower curtain lady. Listing agent, think it might be time for a pricechop?

5) Address 221 West 82nd Street #4F
Asking Price: $650,000
The Catch: This 1,800-square-foot 3BR, 3BA classic six, located in an Emory Roth-designed Upper West Side condop building, has a rent-controlled tenant in place paying $2227.06/month. That extra six cents really hurts, though.

4) Address: 37 West 93rd Street #16
Asking Price: $600,000
The Catch: This 3BR claims to be a classic six, which is a little questionable considering that one of the purported bedrooms is eight by ten feet with no windows. Oh, and there's also a rent-controlled tenant paying $518.44/month. This one's coming up on its one year anniversary on the market.

3) Address: 25 Charles Street #5A
Asking Price: $599,000
The Catch: This West Village co-op has three bedrooms, three exposures, a huge living room, and a rent-controlled tenant. No word on how much he or she is paying, but we're pretty sure we're jealous.

2) Address: 211 East 35th Street #7D
Asking Price: $299,000
The Catch: This 700-square-foot Murray Hill co-op has a rent-stabilized tenant currently paying $1,079/month. It looks real nice, though.

1) Address: 241 E 76th Street #5EE
Asking Price: $300,000
The Catch: The brokerbabble for this one claims that the unit cannot be viewed "DUE TO THE OVERWHELMING RESPONSE TO THIS LISTING." Yeah, that's probably why. It's because too many people want to buy it. Probably nothing to do with the rent-controlled tenant who lives there and doesn't want strangers traipsing through his home, trying to get a look at him in order to estimate how many years he has left.