As you perused the many impressive New York City real estate holdings of Russian billionaires, an idea undoubtedly crossed your mind. Hey, you thought to yourself. Those places are pretty nice. I wouldn't mind being a Russian billionaire myself. Unfortunately, becoming a Russian billionaire is easier said than done. It takes dedication, hard work, unwavering focus, suits with no ties, and just a little bit of luck. By following these steps, however, we can all become the Russian billionaires we've always dreamed of being.
1) Invent a new kind of medicine and trade it for goods
This classic strategy was employed by $88 million apartment-buyer Dmitry Rybolovlev, whose first business venture involved a new medical treatment that his father had invented using magnetic fields. After the collapse of Russia's economy, Rybolovlev was able to trade magnetic medical care for discounted goods, then flip those goods for a huge profit. You can do this too, but not with magnets, since that's already taken. Maybe try some other force, like...gravity? Gravity medicine? Could that be a thing? Why not. From there, it's a simple matter of privatizing and consolidating all of Russia's potash fertilizer companies. Then you'll be a billionaire.
American Equivalent: Ross Perot
2) Teach yourself to play the accordion
In 2011, Russian composer Igor Krutoy bought a $50 million apartment in the Plaza. How did he do this? What did he compose, exactly? Is "composer" Russian for "CEO of an oil company"? While none of these questions have clear answers, Krutoy did, according to his Wikipedia page, "[teach] himself to play the accordion" as a child, so that seems like a good place to start. It also doesn't hurt to be awarded the Lenin Komsomol Prize.
American Equivalent: P. Diddy
3) Be a princess
Kristina Kovalenko, who owns a sparkly $8 million apartment in Liberty Lofts, "says she's a royal from the tiny Russian republic of Kabardino-Balkaria," according to a 2010 New York Post article. She also spends $6,500 on lunch, so she probably isn't making it up. Chances are you are not descended from Kabardino-Balkarian royalty, so your best bet with this one is to try to become friends with Kristina Kovalenko.
American Equivalent: Kim Kardashian