It's Season 2 of Million Dollar Listing New York, where three amazing brokers, Fredrik Eklund, Luis Ortiz, and Ryan Serhant, show the world what it takes to sell high-priced New York City apartments. Check in each week for recaps by Eater New York's fearless nightlife editor Scott Solish. Episode air date: 6/12/2013.
Crisis 1: Wooing Another One
Ryan is fresh off his success with Cora and Faja at the Park Imperial, and now he has a new client, Barb, to take for a ride. This stand in for Stiffler's Mom is moving from Idaho with her family for her husband's work, and they need a three-bedroom place on the East Side for $3 million to $4 million. See, it really is people from Idaho coming to ruin New York!
The first stop on her housing search is 20 Sutton Place, where the most dramatic feature is some sort of EDM-style light up bathroom. Cue the beats!
Barb may not love the place, but she does seems to have developed a love for her broker. And because he is Ryan, he is more than willing to let things get a little sexual and a lot weird.
Better make that a lot sexual and exceptionally weird. Ryan reminds her how much apartments cost in the big city. To get what she wants in Manhattan she is going to have to up her budget. Maybe Cora can give her some tips?
The next stop on the Barb tour is Sterling Plaza on 49th Street, which Ryan says is walking distance from Times Square. Is that supposed to be a pro or con? Anyway, this place is a five-bedroom stunner straight from the 80s.
Despite Barb telling Ryan she would be willing to renovate, this is a bigger project than she wants to take on. When she said renovate, she probably meant paint, so Sir Hant needs to recalibrate. But before he stresses out too much, Barb lets him know that they have upped the budget to $6 million to $7 million, putting their search in an entirely different realm. Now it's time to show!
The first stop is a townhouse on 62nd Street between Second and Third, not the most glamorous block on the UES but certainly passable. But before Barb can make an offer, she has to get through the walk-through without causing the listing agent to puke. Take a look:
ZOMG that was awkward. Even Ryan was grossed out, and that is really saying something. Is she a real buyer or just some woman who is hoping that her potty mouth will cause this boy toy to fall for her? Was she serious with that mustache comment? I feel so dirty.
Ryan sits Barb down and lets her know that if she wants him to stay on as her broker, the sex talk just has to stop. We all agree, and so does Barb. With the sex talk off the table, Ryan is ready to help Barb make an offer on the townhouse. They come in strong at $6 million, but the seller's broker says that isn't going to cut it. Ryan and Peggy, the seller's broker, meet at a bar and play the old I'll show you mine and you show me yours game to get the deal making rolling.
The numbers don't match.
They aren't happy, but Ryan smells blood and thinks that he can close this down for $6.45 million. And he's right! Deal. Nice job, Ryan?and he didn't have to even let his client violate him to get it done.
Crisis 2: From Student To Master
When we last left Fredrik, he was celebrating his big deal at 50 Lispenard over a glass of glug with Jasmit. Now that he has the entire building under his listing care, he has been keeping up the hustle, going into contract on two more units, which means there's just one more left. SWEEEEEEDISH MEATBALLLLLZ! Before Fredrik gets his 23rd sell-out, he has to decide how to market that last place. Why not take a social call?
Luis gets Fredrik to come out for that drink he was hoping for, so he can pick his brain to find out why he is so damn successful. Fredrik explains to him that when you are just starting out, you can't handle new developments without a partner. Luis is almost overwhelmed with love.
Fredrik proposes to Luis that they co-list the last unit, with Luis getting 50 percent of the deal if he finds a buyer but zero percent if Fredrik does. What is it with Fredrik co-listing apartments with his MDL co-stars? Let's hope this one works out better than his last partnership with Michael Lorber.
Luis jumps at the chance! Hot diggity! But before the open house, Fredrik wants to see Luis do a trial walk through. Fredrik pretends he is a buyer and asks Luis to lead him around the house.
That's real brick! But how can Luis be sure? What about the old tongue trick?
Fredrik looks like he is ready to toss Luis right back to the Financial District where these antics belong. Maybe he made a mistake taking this little firecracker under his wing. Luis's jokes about a threesome in the shower and turning the fire escape into a balcony certainly don't help, and a ready-to-puke Fredrik reminds Luis that gimmicks don't entice people to spend millions of dollars, facts do. Luis is concerned?why won't his Jedi master let this young Puerto Rican Padawan show off his stuff?
Let's see how the open house goes after this strange practice run. But wait, will they even get to the open house? Fredrik gets a call from a broker who has a buyer who wants it now! Fredrik is still looking out for himself and, of course, Jasmit, and he's less worried about Luis's training. But the buyer needs to up the offer by $175,000 if they want to cancel that open house and break Luis's heart.
While Fredrik negotiates, Luis and his brother head to Macao Trading Company to strategize on how to move this unit. The bartender helps inspire him:
Prohibition! Of course that will sell a $3 million apartment. Look how happy these two are with their idea!
The brainstorming is going strong until Luis's brother knocks it out of the park with this doozy.
Did you see how the bartender loves it too? How could this not work? Maybe Luis should have partnered with Ryan, who would be totally into this idea. But you better put those fog machines on hold because Fredrik's offer came in and he has a deal.
SWEDISH MEATBALL TIME AGAIN! And this is a sold out Swedish meatball, which makes it even more tender and juicy. But rather than tell Luis, Fredrik lets him carry forward with his party to see if this young broker has the chops to join his team.
The big day has arrived and Luis is ready for his Prohibition speakeasy extravaganza at the apartment that Fredrik has already sold. He's gone all out, including the fog!
Where are the strobe lights and the can can girls? Can you imagine if Ryan's old client Pat saw fog in his penthouse? What about Crazy Eye Jasmit? He already fired this guy Luis once, and now he has turned his last unit into some kind of Prohibition Faire for brokers.
And guess what? A broker rolls in with a buyer. To a Brokers Open? That seems a bit odd, but Luis smells blood in the water and is ready to make his move. And this buyer must love seeing his potential home filled with fog and packed with people in costumes.
The guy makes an offer right there at the party for $2.5 million, way below the $2.975 that Jasmit wants and that Fredrik already got. Luis is ready to roll.
While the rest of these people were enjoying the drinks, Luis was hustling an offer. What a night! The fog worked! Luis can't wait to tell Fredrik (or Freddie as he calls him) the great news. He won't have to wait long, because Fredrik has arrived! And he's a bit shocked:
The first thing Fredrik wonders is why is it so smoky inside, since the entire point is for brokers to see the apartment clearly. Luis has ignored most of his advice, and he feels like his time has been wasted. Luis thinks hearing the low ball offer will turn that frown upside down. Think again, Luis, because Fredrik doesn't think much of this buyer, this broker, or this offer. Watch the master:
BOOM BOOM BOOM! KABOOOOOOM! That may be the greatest moment in the history of this show. Ever. Cancel the rest of the episodes, because it will never get better than that.
Luis is just shocked. Why did he go all out for this party and get this offer if there was already a deal? And with that Fredrik takes off like the
fog wind, satisfied in his sell-out but disappointed that Luis couldn't hack it, Eklund steez.
Luis and Fredrik get together to try to repair their once-promising relationship. When Luis hears that the contract went out two days before the party, he is shocked.
Fredrik tells him like it is, but Luis is having trouble coping.
Drop 50 Lispenard? You expect Luis to drop 50 Lispenard? He already got to second base with 50 Lispenard. Luis is ready to explode, but we all have to bottle it up until next week.
· Official site: Million Dollar Listing [Bravo]
· Million Dollar Listing New York coverage [Curbed NY]