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Million Dollar Listing New York S2E7: Frenemies

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It's Season 2 of Million Dollar Listing New York, where three amazing brokers, Fredrik Eklund, Luis Ortiz, and Ryan Serhant, show the world what it takes to sell high-priced New York City apartments. Check in each week for recaps by Eater New York's fearless nightlife editor Scott Solish. Episode air date: 6/19/2013.

Crisis 1: Fallout
When we last left them, Luis was getting a lesson from Fredrik on how to be a professional when it comes to high profile Tribeca listings. Unfortunately, the student was not heeding the teacher. Then things got real. Really real.

You simply must turn up your speakers and watch this video, because this is unprecedented in the history of MDL NY.

Wow. Let's break down the highlights. First, Fredrik actually pulls out a check of some kind and is giggling about the piddling $6,000 that Luis spent on his foggy party. Second, Luis claims he bled for 50 Lispenard! Maybe that wall lick was more dangerous than any of us realized. Third, Fredrik pours some kind of green drink on him, and because of the height difference, gets him from a great angle. Fourth, Luis throws a glass at him and the other guests at the bar. Fifth, Fredrik has to escape like he is fleeing from a mad man, which is what Luis was during the scene. This is reality television folks. This is our thesis. This is our closing argument.

Not a good look, Luis. Doesn't Fredrik know tiny suits like this don't just grow on trees? Luis is not taking this well. But you know who else doesn't it take it well? Fredrik's fiance, who tells Fredrik that he acted like a child. But then we find out...Luis cashed the check! After all that, he took the $6,000 that got him so worked up. But no $6,000 check can erase the hurt Luis feels.

Jasmit and Fredrik took his heart full of love for this property and gutted it like a fish, then watched him bleed all over the sidewalk as they laughed all the way to the bank. Just watch him bleed.

Fell in love with the building? This is getting bizarre. Even Fredrik knows that he was a bit over the top, writing on his official BravoTV blog that:

It doesn't matter that he didn't listen to my advice, nor that he went against it, that I sold the apartment at full ask and all cash despite his low ball offer and smoky flapper party (which I paid for in the end). It doesn't matter that he was swearing and was aggressive to me on the roof top. I shouldn't have thrown the green tea over him. Period. I am twice his size, probably twice his age, and have sold a million more apartments than him. It was wrong of me and there is no excuse. What kindness! He continues by saying the monster you saw pour green tea on Luis "is not who Fredrik is, not the Fredrik that Derek loves. And I do like Luis. I always liked him." Awwwwww.

Luis eventually shakes it off and heads off to another new listing appointment at 54 Pine, which gets him excited because he compares the five story building to something you see in Soho, the West Village, or?you guessed it?Tribeca.

The place is very nice, but the kitchen and bathrooms need to be updated. What also needs to be updated are the seller's expectations, because they want $1.5 million when Luis thinks that it's only listable at $1.3 million at best. They agree to list it at $1.35 million, because hey, why not?

Luis plans an open house and for some reason does it at night again. Guess he still isn't willing to learn. Guess what else? None of the brokers at the open house really love the apartment either?not the old kitchen, the lack of amenities, or that high, high price. So Luis decides he has to tell his seller that they should lower the price. She is not happy, and lets him know it.

Anyone know a good urologist, because Shampion Luis may need to get his balls re-attached after this massacre? But he convinces her to lower the price to $1.299 million in the hopes that they can find a buyer. Wait until next week to see if it works.

Crisis 2: Moving On
While Luis pines for his beloved Lispenard, Fredrik is moving on to another building. This time we're a bit further north in prime Soho at 111 Mercer. The developer, Edmund, is still in the early stages of renovations, and Fredrik sees potential.

Fredrik tells the developer that if he lets Fredrik plan the finishes, he can help him get a record for the neighborhood. Why? Because he is in touch with buyers and he knows what they want more than some overworked and underpaid architect who can only dream of buying a place like this. Edmond is intrigued. Let the broker design the building? Maybe this Fredrik is just crazy enough to pull this off.

Fredrik heads to Waterworks to try to make his dreams come to life. Things don't start out well.

They get better though, and Fredrik starts finding things he likes, including this tub that he gets Lynn the sales woman to confirm can fit two adults.

Notice that while Luis worries about fog machines and theme parties, Fredrik is willing to fake-bathe with a woman to figure out how to make the most money possible from every deal. It's time to go show Edmund what he's been up to and drop the news that it will cost $100,000 per apartment to upgrade the bathrooms and kitchens, Eklund style. Edmund almost pukes until Fredrik drops this rendering on him.

Fredrik tells him that if they commit to the changes, he thinks he can get him $4.4 million per unit, almost $700,000 more than other brokers were quoting. There isn't a developer in this town who would turn down that offer, and Fredrik gets the entire building. But Edmund won't wait until the apartments are finished to list them. He wants Fredrik to start selling NOW. So Fredrik drags the architect down to his broker's open (in broad daylight, Luis!) so he can answer questions and actually unveil the finishes in the bathroom and kitchen, which Edmund also rushed.

The brokers arrive and they all love the finishes and the layout, but a lot of them are worried that the price is way too high, including this guy.

Wait, who are you, bro? Have you sold out 23 buildings? Do you know what glug is? Do you have Jasmit on speed dial? Thought so. Consider yourself lucky to even be here, and knock off the questions. The tour continues to the master bathroom, where the tub is revealed. Notice the caption.

That is a nice tub, y'all. But we have to wait until next week to see if Fredrik can ring up #24. No Swedish meatball this week.

Crisis 3: From Russia With Love

If Ryan knew what was going on with Luis and Fredrik, he'd be giggling like a sailor. Too bad he's so busy trying to land a new listing at One Beacon Court. Ryan calls it his favorite building "because it's very high end." Look out, Ms. Utah!

Ryan is greeted at the door by Mark, a representative for the seller who is also an old frat brother of Ryan's. And guess what? Ryan wasn't very nice to him in college. Is it revenge time? Probably not. This is business time.

The place is very nice and is owned by a Russian business man who never uses it and bought it from Bobby Abreu. Is there any other kind of Russian? Are there any Russian businessmen who actually ever live in the apartments they own here?

Ryan tells his bro that he would list it for about $6.9 million, but his potential client has other ideas?more expensive ideas. The owner wants to list the place for $7.5 million. Ryan isn't sure that's a good idea, but he really wants to get the listing, so he agrees to list it for $7.45 million. But before he gets to sign the listing agreement, Mark has one more demand.

OK, this is weird. Wall sits? And then push ups? Whatever gets Ryan the listing. This time, he goes for a more refined open house than usual. No strippers, no dancing bears, no clowns, no nothing. How boring! But there is one twist: Ryan thinks the building is such a magnet for international buyers that he only invited international brokers. And to make sure he doesn't miss out on a deal, he hired translators to help him negotiate on the spot.

How do you say sold in every language? Serhant! After the open house, Ryan meets with Sergei, one of the people who came to the International House of Brokers. We're guessing he represents another one of those mysterious Russian buyers who just want to buy an apartment to never live in it. But the offer is really low, just $6.6 million, which is in line with what Ryan expected but not high enough to please his old frat buddy. Watch how Ryan stares down the Ruskie.

Should have just flipped the table and walked out, but he's too cool for that. Ryan calls Mark, who tells him to man up and go get at least $7 million and nothing less. Ryan counters at $7.25M, but Sergei thinks that's garbage. Sergei calls the Mother Land to get a response.

This is more tense than Spies Like Us. And Ryan gets the $7 million. All cash! What a score! Ryan is on cloud nine, until he gets a call from Sergei telling him that his client got a better deal from a seller one floor above Ryan's client and is taking that deal. They used him and Ryan is not taking it well.

Ryan is devastated. His assistant is too.

A entire episode with no deals! What will happen with all of our heroes?
· Official site: Million Dollar Listing [Bravo]
· Million Dollar Listing New York coverage [Curbed NY]

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