Often, less-than-beautiful listings only suffer from the unfortunate furnishings that owners fill them with, which isn't a problem for buyers, since the decor doesn't usually come with the place. Not so for this $13.8 million Upper West Side townhouse. Located at 48 West 85th Street and filled with "antiquities and curiosities," this "museum-like" home comes as-is. Over-brocaded, time-traveling, fit for Louis XVI (if he lived in Vegas's Paris)there are so many ways to describe this weird, confused 7,000-square-foot time capsule (that's split into a two-family house with a garden-level rental). The brokerbabble is appropriately over-the-top. Here are just a few goodies the house holds: eight fireplaces, "lavish crown-moldings," coffered ceilings, "Schumacher brocade wall coverings, original wood shutters, crystal doorknobs," "Baccarat crystal chandeliers, Tiffany dishes, a Quoizel chandelier, Sheryl Wagner bathroom fixtures," "a sky-like hand-painted ceiling mural" in the parlor, "gold-leafed dental crown moldings," stairs with a "rich wood banister" lined with "gold medallion details, original and rare," a rooftop terrace, and a cellar with "decorative arches, black granite and white glass tile checkered flooring, a steam shower and full bathroom with marble Jacuzzi." Whew!