Elliman broker Michael Graves is listing his own two-bed, two-bath in The Residences at The Williamsburg, a very nice apartment with a large private terrace overlooking the neighboring McCarren Hotel pool. Which, as the Daily News cannot seem to stop raving about (headline: "BIKINI VIEWS: This $1.75M bachelor pad will up your chances with the ladies"), provides the perfect opportunity to stare at women's breasts. And maybe even go down there and hit on the women attached to those breasts. That sounds like a lot of fun for everybody!
To be fair to Graves, he doesn't mention this particular, uh, amenity in the listing and, while he is quoted in the Daily News article saying that the "terrace has an almost hedonistic quality" and "provides endless opportunity to meet interesting locals," it sort of reads like he was goaded into it. The rest of the article, though...
[The terrace overlooks] the pool at the neighborhood's trendy McCarren Hotel, a popular scenester hangout where girls in bikinis are known to congregate for weekend pool parties and salty cocktails.
That means plenty of opportunity for observing the doe-eyed hipster set in its summer skivvies. Let's talk about this.
First of all, saying that bikini-clad women are "known to congregate" at a pool lends an air of creepiness to the whole thing. Women in bathing suits are also "known to congregate" at pretty much every pool, everywhere. Let's not make too big a deal out of it. Secondly, you guys all know about the internet, right?
'There's a non-stop bevy of beautiful women streaming through the pool area and they're there to meet single guys,' said one Williamsburg resident and McCarren pool regular. 'To be the bachelor dude with the biggest terrace overlooking the pool would make it so easy.' Another thing that would "make it so easy" would be to disabuse oneself of the notion that owning an expensive apartment in close proximity to a pool would "make it so easy." Also, how do you know what they're there to do, you anonymous sketchball? (Good thing these sources are anonymous. It would be a huge mistake to blow up a good pipeline of information about where all the bevies of women are streaming.)
One playboy's advice: 'You just walk down to the pool, get a drink and ask them if they want to come upstairs and freshen up.'
If that's not game, we don't know what is. Well, at least there's one thing we agree on.
· BIKINI VIEWS: This $1.75M bachelor pad will up your chances with the ladies [NYDN]
· Listing: 135 North 11th Street, 2G [Elliman]
· Residences at the Williamsburg coverage [Curbed]