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$3.8M Loft Full of Exposed Pipes "Whispers 'Entertain Here'"

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Does your home talk to you? Well, this new-to-market loft on West 29th Street does. Nay, it doesn't talk. It whispers. The brokerbabble for the two-bedroom, two-bath apartment with an 80-foot-long living space is heavily anthropomorphic. To wit: "The space is designed to flow seemingly endlessly: from the painter-studio windows in the living room, bright with northern light, past 70 feet of western-lit windows to the enclave of southern sun in the master bedroom suite. At night, the loft is as glamorous and romantic as in old movies of New York—it's a space that whispers 'entertain here.'" Probably because of its magical voice, the apartment is asking $3,840,000. That apartment was on the market last year asking just $2,847,900; it apparently went into contract, but the deal never closed according to public record. Three months later, sure, let's just drop it back on the market with an extra $1M added to the price tag. Because 2015.

The copious brokerbabble elicits more chuckles. Do any dancers have $4 million to drop on a loft with floors suited for jetes? Art collectors, well, maybe.

Dark-stained, red maple floors (fully sprung as in a dance studio) and gleaming zinc window frames provide a setting that highlights any taste—be it antique or contemporary—any palette, any art collection. The listing cites NoMad as its location, even though it's likely more accurately labeled Midtown South. But when trying to sell it? "This building is in a neighborhood that is so chic that it's bursting at the seams."
· 50 West 29th Street #4W [Halstead via StreetEasy]