Welcome to It Happened One Weekend, our weekly roundup of The New York Times real estate section...
Every "The Hunt" column begins with the Hunters describing the apartment they want, and ends with them rationalizing whatever they came away with. This is The Hunt: Dreams vs. Reality.
The Hunters: a couple looking to buy
Dream: $1.5 million
Reality: $1.465 million
Dream: 2BR, open kitchen, outdoor space
Reality: 1BR, open kitchen, outdoor space, high ceilings
Literally everything about this week's Hunt is insufferable, which includes a pair of wealthy white people blogging, inheriting money, and saying things like "I was not going to move to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is not New York; it is so far away from everything." Our heroes, Elise Porter and Jose Moran Moya, are either the worst people ever or a brilliant satire of life in contemporary New York City.
Basically, these clowns decided to "get out of the city" by moving to Williamsburg, after realizing that paying $3,600/month for a cramped studio apartment near Union Square was kind of a ripoff, despite the neighborhood's so-called "artistic vibe." So, after inheriting a chunk of change, the two set off to look for condos priced around $1.5 million in the unforgiving wilds of North Brooklyn.
Their requirements were simple, merely hoping for a two-bedroom with an open kitchen and outdoor space with which to entertain friends. For you see, our heroes are not just successful thirty-somethings; they also run the improbably-named food/travel blog, SpanishHipster.com. In fact, we are assured that "the love of food" is "a very big part of [their] life."
Alas, they ran into problems almost immediately, learning a harsh lesson that while newer buildings "lacked character," older ones "lacked amenities." Such was the curse of their journey.
After bidding on several two-bedrooms around the neighborhood (including one whose sellers "had perfect taste, parallel to [their] own"), they came up empty-handed. But not to worry, for our dejected heroes eventually came across a loft-like one-bedroom on Berry Street (in the Berry Street Lofts, converted from a knitting factory in 2005) with 13' ceilings and access to a shared roof deck. While the place wasn't ideal, they nevertheless felt that it had a "unique vibe" and was "kitchen-centric" enough to their liking. The Hunters immediately put in a bid of $1.465 million and were able to move in last fall.
And thus, we conclude our epic saga. Good triumphs over evil, the light of mankind banishes the darkness of cruelty and indifference, the Wheel of Fortuna spins on, and all is right in the universe.
(Fireworks explode overhead as Ewoks celebrate and dance)
· The Hunt/"In Williamsburg, Brooklyn, Room for a Baby" [NYT]
· All Berry Street Lofts coverage [Curbed]