"Opulence is an understatement," declares the brokerbabble for a two-bedroom condo in Rego Park, Queens, that's been on the market for about a month. Well, that's one way of putting it. The rather garish apartment is in Millenium99, a building whose lobby sports some bling but whose other apartments for sale are more laid-back in decor. Meanwhile, #5J has Miami-style white couches, shiny heated floors, lots of mirrors, a bright blue kitchen, wallpaper with iridescent squiggles, and inexplicably glitzy bathrooms. A marketing email from brokerage Nestseekers about the property calls it "One of Sexiest Homes in All of NYC" and dubs it "The Jewelery [sic] Box." Why the jewelry reference? Well, "portions of your home will twinkle due the Swarovski Dust painted into some walls and Kitchen ceiling ... even the door handles .. feature Swarovski Crystals." One question: whose definition of sexy are we using here? Also, is the sexiness present worth $1,288,886?